Well, it is Sunday night and I felt my blog calling to me or maybe it was my thoughts screaming to get out, either way my thoughts have found their way to the internet…. I know I feel lighter as I press “Post” and hopefully reading my thoughts will be of some value to you.
Yesterday, I went to White Tantric Yoga. It is offered in Los Angeles twice a year, and since my teacher training 2005 I go as long as I am in town. I think once I missed because I was sick, but that doesn’t really matter. White Tantric Yoga (WTY) is an important ritual in my life. Last year I walked out and instantly new I was no longer a blonde. Those of you who know me and have seen me lately know I am now a very dark brunette. I feel different and people treat me differently. I am not sure if it is the hair or my transformation from White Tantric either way every White Trantric is transformational.
By way of background, I lifted the description of WTY and pasted it here as I don’t see the value in reinventing a perfectly good explanation.
“Our minds release 1000 thoughts per wink of an eye. Some of these thoughts get lost in the unconscious, and some get stuck in the subconscious and affect the conscious mind. These thoughts become feelings, emotions, desires, multi-realities or fantasies. Instead of mastering our mind, often our mind and thoughts direct us, which can cause impulsive decisions, poor communication and self-imposed stress.” http://www.whitetantricyoga.com/?q=node/3
So, my story continues. I usually take a few days “off” to be by myself and reflect, chill out, be angry or do whatever I need to “process” my experience. This year, I had made a commitment to attend a woman’s workshop by David Coury – at 9am no less. So, feeling like it or not, I got up got dressed and headed out the door. The workshop was on finding your inner voice and projecting power and strength. When my turn came to be literally up on stage with the presenter, we talked about what I might want to work on. He suggested, based on our conversation in front of 50 other women, that maybe I should work on my “softer side” – find that inner girlie-girl in my professional life. I remarked “that that would be interesting”.
David worked with me at the piano to let go, free up my voice and trust him. After which I, who have never felt like I could carry a tune or even find a note if it were alone with me in a paper sack, sang -in front of everybody- “Fever”. It actually didn’t feel bad and I might venture to say that in some ways it felt very good. I didn’t hear glass break and no one ran screaming form the room. I was a bit afraid of being embarrassed but I put my trust in David as my leader to guide me to success and then did my best AND it worked out.
I couldn’t wait to tell people what I had done. I immediately told someone who always told me relentlessly not to sing when we were together and he said ” I am sure you were great”. I said “what, you always complained about my singing?!?!”. He said, “not YOUR singing, just singing in general, especially in the car”. I at that point wondered how many other negative impressions I was carrying around. How many negative thoughts have I allowed to rule my life from the subconscious?
This isn’t the first time I found a deep routed negative impression ruling my life. In 2005 when I became a vegetarian I realized I was going to starve to death if I didn’t find some food to eat. I didn’t like anything and not even a rabbit can live on lettuce alone. I stopped and examined my thoughts. I looked at the foods I didn’t like and asked myself why I didn’t like them. I couldn’t even remember ever eating them!! All I could remember was my mother saying “oh you don’t like that”. Whether she ever said that or not she and I will debate forever, but regardless I REMEMBER it and it has ruled my eating habits for too many years. I made a resolution to myself right then and there that until I tried a food and decided I really didn’t like it, I wouldn’t judge it. Now, this didn’t mean I was going to eat bugs and larve and stuff from Survivor or Amazing Race – NO WAY – the “yuck factor” is still in effect. But, since that day, I really have found a love and appreciation of food (still vegetarian of course).
I use this example, because working through my subconscious thoughts is an active practice of mine. Through meditation, yoga, hypnotherapy, religion and other spiritual practices I am recognizing patterns and rewriting them. I find it extremely empowering to understand that I don’t have to act the way I feel. It is totally OK to feel one way and act another. It is totally OK to acknowledge a thought and then consciously decide to change how I think going forward. It is freeing for me to let go of the past and not dwell and worry on the future, but trust in the present. Not to the extent of irresponsibility but to the point where I am not overcome by anxiety, distrust or confusion.
The 40 days post-White Tantric are transformation. Time after time I experience positive growth and change after White Tantric. For me singing in front of a group of people (loudly and on stage no less!) on post-tantric day 1 has started my transition off with a bang. I am really looking forward to the next 39 days to see what what else I do.
I am exploring several exciting new business partnerships this year and the promise of better recognizing the positive impact I want to have on the world through my work is clearer. I am expanding my yoga teaching experience and have volunteered to work with children in deep need of healing and support. I am committed to developing the personal relationships in my life that are truly reflective of my being and letting go of those that are not healthy for me. Overall, I will add more goodness to my life and build upon that solid foundation. I know this sounds like a New Year’s resolution, and I guess it is, but my new year started today!
I have some great activities planned in the next 40 days that I didn’t even plan to happen post-tantric, but I am glad they are happening. I am going to see Joel Osteen at Dodger Stadium, take Yoga for Youth teacher training, lose 10lbs and finish my Scuba Diving certification. Wow, sounds like it is all about me -well it is!! And that is “The Balancing Act”.
Balancing my life across the spectrum of who I am to everyone starts with who I am to me first. I can’t be a friend to you if I am not a friend to me, I cannot be help you be successful if I am not successful, I can support you if I don’t support me and I cannot be honest with you unless I am first honest with myself and so on.
I just recently grasped this concept after listening to some amazing CD’s from Joyce Meyer over and over and over again. I am open to all kinds of counsel and I like Joyce because I see myself in her and can relate to her. She is tough, opinionated, emotional, committed, dependable, a fixer, a strong business woman and a great leader. She has developed a tool set for dealing with herself and I like that idea and am developing my own tool set. I find that being open to listening to multiple ideas helps me build the best tool set I can.
I’ll check back in on this topic when the 40 days are up. In the meantime enjoy your journey and I will surely enjoy mine. Much love and happiness.